Artist's Corner > Universal Game Case Covers
Localized SFC and Reproduction Covers
Arseen:
Here is my suggestiojn for the back text:
Are you ready for the ultimate challenge? Your opponents are waiting.
After the first F-Zero tournament the best drivers are called to participate in the ultimate challenge, the infamous Ace League!
Four of the best veteran drivers accept the challenge and hop in to their bettered cars.
F-Zero 2 is the sequel to the popular Super Nintendo racing game F-Zero. F-Zero 2 was never released in America, or even on a cartridge for that matter.
The downloadable five-track special edition of the original F-Zero was only available on the Super Famicom add-on Satelavision.
Contains 5 new tracks in new Ace League that are tough for even the veterans:
- Mute City 4
- Big Blue 2
- Sand Storm 1
- Silence 2
- Sand Storm 2.
Features Grand Prix and Practice Mode
wiggy:
--- Quote from: Arseen on May 19, 2012, 05:44:28 PM ---Here is my suggestiojn for the back text:
Are you ready for the ultimate challenge? Your opponents are waiting.
After the first F-Zero tournament ends, the best drivers are called to participate in the ultimate challenge, the infamous Ace League!
Four of the best veteran drivers accept the challenge and hop in to their battered cars.
F-Zero 2 is the sequel to the popular Super Nintendo racing game F-Zero. F-Zero 2 was never released in America, or even on a cartridge for that matter.
The downloadable five-track special edition of the original F-Zero was only available for the Super Famicom add-on Satellaview
The Ace League contains 5 all new courses that will challenge even the most hardened F-Zero veterans:
- Mute City 4
- Big Blue 2
- Sand Storm 1
- Silence 2
- Sand Storm 2.
Features Grand Prix and Practice Mode
--- End quote ---
Fixed a couple of typos. I would consider some re-wording (italics). Just seems a little forced :/
Arseen:
Thanks.
I don't know is the word "ends" needed. I kinda like it without.
battered = bettered. That was not a typo, I meant that the best drivers took their upgraded cars to the league (cars are differently named).Shall we go with upgraded or enhanced instead?
other orrections acceted. ;D
Even though, not sure does the "contains tracks" sentence have to be so long?
And instead th lines red bullet pointsshould be used.
wiggy:
--- Quote from: Arseen on May 20, 2012, 02:14:30 AM ---Thanks.
I don't know is the word "ends" needed. I kinda like it without.
battered = bettered. That was not a typo, I meant that the best drivers took their upgraded cars to the league (cars are differently named).Shall we go with upgraded or enhanced instead?
other orrections acceted. ;D
Even though, not sure does the "contains tracks" sentence have to be so long?
And instead th lines red bullet pointsshould be used.
--- End quote ---
Without "ends", or some other verb, the sentence doesn't read well. It needs a coma at the very least.
I thought you meant battered, as in worn, broken down, etc. You know, like from all the abuse they received on the track? Bettered isn't a word that we use very often in the US, so it does sound off (to me). But that's more of a cultural difference than anything. It makes sense, just might not work for all English speaking regions.
With the last sentence you sort of have the same issue as the 1st. It's a little stunted.
Contains 5 new tracks in new Ace League that are tough for even the veterans:
There's no reason to use "new" twice in that sentence, and if we did do it that way, then there should at least be a "the" before the 2nd new. As in "the new Ace..."
The rest of what I changed/added isn't fixing any grammar issues or anything like that, I just thought it read better that way :)
Arseen:
OK, English is only my second language, so I'm bound to make some mistakes.
I've been thinking the first sentence as a whole, and we need to explain or give better reason how the best drivers suddenly have new cars.
I think there are 4 options, among which we have to choose before rewriting the first sentence.:
1. The new league happens so soon that the drivers have yo use their secondary cars.
2. The new league happens let's say 10 years after the original, so everyone have new cars.
3. New drivers are offsprings of the originals.
4. New drivers are completely new ones.