Ugh, no thanks

I need trees and seasons. I've visited the desert. It's a bit much for a very fair-skinned fellow such as myself.
To be fair, the weather here has been typical Cleveland. 40* over night, 80* by noon, then back to damn near freezing once the sun goes down. Once we hit July it'll just be 85-95* and humid as hell, which sorta blows. Cleveland weather just sucks about 90* of the time. It's a thing.